Funny MSN Quotes


"There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train."

"Four letter words offensive to men, "don't" and "stop", unless used together."

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." - Dick Cavett

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers

"Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country." - Ian Rush

"Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs." - Alfred Hitchcock

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. --Rita Rudner

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. --Albert Einstein

Quotations for Kids
-- J. A. Senn

The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist.
--Gunderson

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. --F Lebowitz

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? -- Jean Cocturan

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper. -- Jerry Seinfeld

I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. --Rodney Dangerfield

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. --David Letterman

Famous Black Quotations for Teens. -- Janet Cheatham Bell

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
--Unknown

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. --Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

Clarice : If you didn't kill him, then who did, sir?
Dr. Lecter: Who can say? Best thing for him, really. His therapy was going nowhere.

The Book of Positive Quotations --John Cook

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
--Michael L.